To Merge Is To Possess: The Truth About Divine Love

True love is not found, it is forged through ego death and soul merging.

“Take me wholly — I am your possession or I am nothing.”

— Charlotte Brontë

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Preface:

This essay will take more the style of a polemic than an exploratory framework building essay, which is to say rather than try to explore, flesh out and expand the intrinsic structural mechanics of the subject matter into a type of map, I will simply talk about what it looks like. I think of this piece as a polemic because even though it’s not harsh on tone, it is rebellious and critical because it is against the standard model of love, or framed another way - the way in which people typically conduct their romantic relations.

The purpose of this essay is to show you there is a higher, better and different way to love in a very accessible and conversational way, without getting too deep into the metaphysical mechanics of its structure or the traits a person requires to participate in it (such will be the subject matter of future essays).

The reason I am “merely” telling you what it looks like without also revealing to you everything which is required to embody it, is simply, first of all, so you know it exists, and second of all, because to write that out will take far more time to metabolise for both of us, for me, in doing all the cognitive legwork in fleshing out all the distinctions as they branch out and I go off into a half trance channelling as I write, and for you, in essentially downloading what I’m transmitting through these symbols that form the words which contain meanings you are now subjectively interpreting through your reading.

Simply put, it is better for you not to get it all at once, and the natural process in which I synthesise frameworks and the specific way in which my mind works is also more conducive to doing it in this way. I suppose, dear reader, I am asking you to be patient with me as I reveal my revelations to you in the way most natural to me.

I presume if you read my work, that you are a truth preferring and thinking person, as in, you question things and try to understand them and synthesise your own approaches, as opposed to seeking pre-packaged answers that neatly solve your problems for you without you having to inherently grasp them and integrate them as you see fit. After all, this publication is called The Sovereign Citadel and is therefore aimed at the sovereign inclined.

As such, you read me not to be taught what to think, but to access different forms of thinking - perceptual frames, systems and nuances that would otherwise elude you, but to be possessed by you would be incredibly useful to you.

Now with this longer than intended preface out of the way, let us begin.

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Thesis:

The spiritual layer’s always superior to the material layer, so someone thinking egoically in terms of material goals and metrics is always going to lose out to the energetically more intense (spiritually stronger) person that’s more paradoxically individuated and thereby more coherently integrated than they are.

This specifically and emphatically applies to romance, and if you realised this you would focus less on the material (not to say survival isn’t important, because it is) and more on the spiritual, because assuming you have taken care of survival, having the highest quality relationship possible (specifically: a very high quality marriage with an amazing person) is a spiritual quest, not a material one.

Making more money per year or getting fit at the gym might improve your sex appeal, but it doesn’t make you more worshippable, reverential or heroic. Those things don’t actually improve the quality of your relationships, because what defines relational quality is your capacity to devote yourself to another, and to inspire that same degree of devotion within them through the expression of your intensity and brilliance to them. All else is but mere accessory and detail, for this and this alone is the shared core foundational truth and beauty powering the heart of it all.

Devotion is the sole meaningful currency that ever lasting romance and thereby eternal union (marriage) is built on, because the truest and purest form of love a soul is capable of is undying, all encompassing existence defining devotion.

In very simple terms, think of love as a type of conquest - if you can conquer a soul, it falls in love with you. You conquer it by mapping it and understanding it fully, catering to it and binding it to you by becoming its spiritual narcotic. And so in being the perfect slave by knowing someone so well, you cater to them and venerate them so utterly you end up pleasing them and healing them in ways they did not even know they needed, thereby becoming their master in their awe of you, desire for you, and refusal to live without you.

You have shown them a way of living and being they have not known before that now revealed to them, makes deep intuitive sense to them - you have unlocked them - immersing them in great beauty as you show them the potential for ever greater beauty, and so have become their sole fixation, because to commune with you for them is to touch the divine. You have become their access point to divinity in making them your access point to divinity. Don’t you see how beautiful it is?

Now if you are preoccupied with material things like how nice your car is, whilst neglecting your spiritual growth (meaning your level of individuation through your capacity to coherently integrate paradox in a generative manner), you can never “truly master” anyone, and thus never really experience total and complete unhinged full spectrum all encompassing obsessive desire (beyond that of visceral lust for your body), because you’re not capable of possessing another soul and binding them to you in a way that elicits this through your reverence. Essentially, you’re too spiritually weak because you lack the devotional intensity necessary to form the needed energetic loop that would allow for such fusion.

You should, truly, think of love as a type of mutual co-possession, or at the very least, your possession of them (it’s best when both do it to each other, but for true love to be present in any fashion at all even if not entirely reciprocated to the same depth, at least one person must be able to consume the other) - because you are trying to possess them in the literal energetic sense to join with them.

True love is communion through union via merging which leads to the metamorphosis of each into something greater as a whole than either could ever be alone, through the healing and invigorating reciprocity of co-devotion.

If you think I am talking complete nonsense, may I remind you that marriage under God is an act of union and spiritually intended in this way (beyond all the legal, bureaucratic and practical layers, the spiritual purpose of marriage is for two to become one as you both intertwine). So be that as it may, if two are meant to become one, why would you not seek to possess and be possessed by your lover, when that is what merging is?

Now tell me how getting a nicer car (whilst still being the basic, unindividuated rudimentary spiritually nascent version of yourself) is actually going to do that for you? I will tell you this quite seriously now: heartbreak as a portal for individuation through the metabolization of grief has done more for your spiritual growth and thereby capacity to love, inspire devotion and know true union, than any pay raise, degree or acquisition of a skill ever has. Those things (the material things) are simply the marketing and the maintenance, whilst the spiritual growth is the actual substance they should be scaffolding for, not a substitution for.

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The Fearful Feminine Reply:

Now I shared the above thoughts briefly quite publicly with a woman prior to publishing, and she said:

“I would personally prefer to be ‘captivated’ or ‘mesmerised’ or ‘fully claimed’, instead of ‘conquered’ or ‘possessed’ but I see why some form of ‘obsession for the soul’ needs to be there for divine love to happen. I wholeheartedly agree with this spiritual versus material kind of love.”

So I gave her words some thought and considered if they represented a general cautiousness within the otherwise receptive feminine, and concluded they did, and thereby decided to dedicate the rest of this essay to addressing what I believe would be a common objection within women who are drawn to the idea of devotion, but are not currently capable of it.

The following is the result of my analysis of her partial objection:

The words she preferred like “claimed” or “mesmerised” are approximate and adjacent to “possessed” without being exactly the same thing. They allow her to keep herself, as in, maintain a type of separateness as a boundary that grants a degree of control within her receptive (but not fully open nor surrendered) femininity.

Well this boundary, or defined line in the sand to to speak, is what serves as an obstacle to merging. And divine love is about merging, so you must necessarily be possessed in the same way you must possess (mutual possession) so you can become whole as one through union (soul merging) - as you are literally two becoming one - which is what marriage is supposed to spiritually embody.

How do you expect to merge without co-possession? It is not possible.

Possession is a layer deeper than claiming, which you can frame as something that you accept or permit whilst still being you, without giving up anything or surrendering to it. Your ego can frame this as allowing a man’s claim or enjoying being mesmerised by him because it pleases you, and therefore a sense of control is maintained. It is the difference between being willing to abandon yourself entirely for something all the more beautiful, and the desire to retain yourself whilst flirting with your becoming without actually surrendering to it.

“I’m letting this happen and therefore I’m not surrendered, even though I might just about have the courage to admit I am on the precipice of being so - maybe, perhaps or not quite.”

But to reframe possession linguistically so it bypasses her ego defences and thereby her resistance to it, she should think of it as feeling so seen by a man that she wants to give him her everything (her entire essence - body, mind and soul) in appreciation for how deeply beautiful he makes her feel by perceiving her fully in all her contradiction and richness in a way none other has or can, and how she doesn’t have to perform or lie or be fake with him, but is simply free to be herself, quirks, darkness, rawness, goofiness, shame and inelegance included.

She should imagine how instead of having any of her hidden layers used against her in her expression of them, that without performing or being what she thinks others want her to be, she is is celebrated for her true self (in so much as it is not harmful to her - because to enable dysfunction is not to love her), and how this great sense of awe and protectiveness from him makes her feel so safe and loved, that she quite literally radiantly shines in his energy, wanting to become a better woman in appreciation of the great gift she has been given (the individuated man’s devotional love).

Possession requires surrender (from both sides) and that’s where the fear (and thus ego) that obstructs love in the refusal to give one’s self to it will rear its ugly head, because to be in self-preserving survival mode is structurally incompatible with inhabiting devotionally surrendered becoming mode. You cannot choose another over yourself to the benefit of yourself when your fear does not allow you to choose anyone but yourself, because that condemns you to live at a spiritually lower plane of existence (outside of, rather than within true love).

Naturally as a woman, the idea of surrender is deeply attractive (because it is the highest calling of a woman’s true nature, assuming she is in touch with her soul and hasn’t had it brutally stripped out of her by trauma, upbringing or propaganda, and subsequently who she had to become to survive within that), but it is also terrifying - and is thus for the vast majority of women, never realised.

It bears worth stating that a man must also surrender, but in a slightly different way due to the nature of masculine and feminine polarity. That is to say, when a man allows himself to be raw and tender with a woman, he gives her full emotional access to him without trying to maintain a high level of detachment that leverages her emotions to wield asymmetric control over her, but instead seeks to worship her (as she does him) rather than control her (although he will of course guide and lead her) - this is how he surrenders.

You see the devoted man influences through possession where the insecure man dominates through control - this is not to say a possessive man cannot dominate, only that his domination is a byproduct of his desire, rather than his structural insecurity, whereas the undevoted man requires that dominance as assurance because he cannot fully trust the woman.

So him surrendering to her is giving her full emotional access to him, trusting she will hold his heart gently and won’t force him into a descent into hell through her inadequacy, because she’s too fragile, egotistical, scared, unprincipled, fickle or any other integrity lacking selfish thing that will make him regret yielding his deepest self to her.

Many men have been burned in this way, and thus swear it off - reaching conclusions that women are not capable of true love and other such things, which is really only a half truth, for it is more accurate to say that the great majority of women are (rather unfortunately) not capable of it, but not that all aren’t, for many beautifully courageous feminine souls are.

Many men have simply not been lucky enough to encounter such women, which is perhaps indicative of their rarity as opposed to their non-existence - but then I suppose we can say the same too of men - that many men are not capable of inspiring a woman’s true devotion, and also too that many women in their naïve youth foolishly gave it to a tyrannical man who was not capable of properly honouring it, and so reciprocally swear off man’s capacity to love. It is a muddied chaotic picture with fingers pointed in both directions, with both ultimately wanting the same thing from the other, with very few of either capable of giving the other what they truly need. But that is why you’re here, reading this - be you man or woman, you do not wish to be ordinary - you want to be one of the few who can.

In truth, finding a woman who is able to receive and honour a man’s devotionally surrendered soul is the highest form of love a man can know - because it is dangerous, and only the best of women are fit to receive it. This is why if you as a woman are to have full access to a man’s heart, you must treat him as a sacred soul you are irrevocably bound to and will nurture with nothing but the purity of your deepest love, rather than view him as someone disposable that can be discarded or betrayed the moment your fears undermine your capacity for gratitude, devotion and loyalty. A girl’s fears cannot be greater than her capacity for heroic love as a woman, if she is to honour him as her true love as a queen.

For a woman, surrendering to a man is accepting his leadership, and trusting him to do what is best for her without undermining him, because she believes in both his competence and his intentions - that he truly puts her best interest above his own in the same way she does for him.

If he worships her without losing his capacity for potency (so remains ruthless, and doesn’t devolve into simping whilst still serving) she will feel safe enough within herself to do that. But naturally, a man cannot do everything (although he is responsible for a lot) - a woman too needs to ensure she’s actually ready to, and capable of devoting herself solely to a man as if he was in actual fact a king or the walking manifestation/representation of the divine himself, venerating him in an essentially religious manner, as opposed to seeing him as a tool, peer or adversary she can engage with transactionally, or benefit at the expense of.

A woman must heal so that can she become a healer who knows how to love well, and in doing so be healed further by the becoming that is the love she experiences as a result of her courage - a reward from the divine for taking the leap of faith as it were.

Effectively, both parties must be able to prioritise the other over the self in complete trust, reverence and devotion to them, with her coming to represent the divine feminine to him, and him coming to represent the divine masculine to her. It is this and only this which forms an energetic loop of devotional reciprocity that can summon, cultivate, and sustain true and undying love which echoes into eternity.

Almost everyone likes the sound of this and so thinks they want it, but are you willing to pay the price for it by doing what it takes to deserve it? What if doing what it takes requires multiple ego deaths - that is to say, confrontations with the most shame-riddled and fear driven parts of yourself - multiple deaths and rebirths so you can be who you need to be to become who you were always meant to be through the portal that is your true lover? Only you, truthfully, are equipped to properly answer that question, assuming you are of course at a level of self-awareness that allows for such.

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